Lindsey Heim

A trip to Walmart.... Yes, you heard it correctly- I have made my biannual pilgrimage to the supercenter of all supercenters. Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those 'I hate Walmart because I want to be a non conformist' type of people. I actually respect Walmart because they are marketing geniuses, but passionately hate the cheap, low quality, completely uneccesary crap that they sell and the filthy stores in which they sell it from. (which is why they are geniuses- they have perfected the art of making the uneccesary to be desireable under the worst possible conditions). A prime example of some items that I saw: a metal turkey stuffing cage- why place and remove the stuffing from your bird by spoon when you can place and remove it in this metal cage perfectly shaped to a turkey's empty peritoneal cavity?

So anyways, I think I surely got my my 6 month dose of what I like to call, 'free birth control.' In other words, after being around the crowds of children there at 8 at night for about 15min give or take, I really swear off having kids. This effect has about a 6 month period of time that the image sticks in my head. Snotty, crying, greasy, stinky kids- all tired beyond belief tearing up the toy department as any good Walmart parent would let them. The crowds were prime last night and it was an effective image- kids now frighten me.

As I meandered the aisles trying to find the one thing that I needed- a drawer organizer, I suddenly realized that I have found another thing I can get for free at Walmart. This is free weight control. Wow! why haven't I figured this out sooner? The image of the morbidly obese waddling up and down the aisles with their carts full of wonder bread, soda, and cereal was frightning. This is great- we'll see how long this image lasts- probably until I eat pumkin pie tomorrow. :)